Football

The charge sheet, as read out at my own dinner table, is roughly this: fixtures unknown, kick-off times guessed, a January transfer described as “recent”. All broadly fair. In this house the Premier League is followed properly, and the gentleman of it has been found wanting.

So here is my reply, made in my own dialect. Not opinions — the annexe holds none; no player is rated, no manager second-guessed. A ledger instead: all 380 fixtures of 2026/27, with kick-offs, broadcasters and reschedulings noted; and all 380 results of 2025/26 — the season Arsenal won with 85 points and West Ham went down — by matchweek, by club, on grids, curves and tables. One self-contained page. It loads once and asks nothing further: no app, no sign-in, no advertising.

Grander databases exist, and this does not compete with them. Its claims are smaller and stricter. Everything on the page is reconciled before it is displayed: the tables prove their own arithmetic, the goal differences sum to nought as they must, eight completed seasons are gated against the record, and where a figure cannot be sourced it is left blank rather than guessed. Sources are named at the foot. Pages that depend on results carry the date they were last revised, and are revised on a stated covenant through the season.

It is offered as a humble service to English dads and mums everywhere — those required to know, at the school gate or in the car park, precisely when Saturday’s kick-offs are — and to their households, as evidence that the data was consulted. Whether the verdict on my knowledge is thereby overturned is a matter for the committee. The ledger, at least, is unimpeachable.

Data: the openfootball public-domain dataset. Full provenance at the annexe’s foot.